ridiculous mood swings

Sometimes I get blindsided by these ridiculous mood swings in class that don’t make sense at all (well, actually, they make sense, but the scale of my anger doesn’t). This usually happens in lecture, which would somewhat explain things because I have an extremely low tolerance of people.

Class would start out fine–just another class in my weekly routine. I would plop myself down, get out the guided notes that I had to pay for and get ready for the influx of knowledge. Now, one of two things would happen. Or both, which is recipe for an especially bad day.

1) an extremely loud group of frat stars would situate themselves conveniently so that it sounds like they’re whispering in my ear. Actually, not even whispers–who am I kidding? They don’t give a fuck. They’re in greek life. So maybe the girl sitting next to them is tearing out her hair frantically because she can’t handle so many noises assaulting her at once, it doesn’t bother them at all! The way they sit bothers me, the way they wear their shirts with the sleeves cut off all the way down to their waists, the way that their muscles bulge and the way their fratty sunglasses sit on their fratty gelled hair. How dare they be themselves and be so fratty; how dare they be so social that they can’t go 1.5 hours without talking about something.

What bothers me most is what they talk about–nothing! I’m one of those people who only talk when I’m guaranteed to say something good, be it a punch line, a short little witty retort. And I just don’t understand people that can just start running their mouths off on anything. Do we need to know the story of your lives? Do we need to know a play-by-play of the last conversation you had, which is probably a play-by-play of this other conversation you had?

The worst thing is that a lot of what people talk about is mindless and just totally… sexist. But that’s for another time. Moving on!

2) So I used to sit with this guy I met in orgo lecture. No, no; not like that. Anyways, it turns out that he’s one of those people that sit better in small doses, like one hour. This class was 1.5 hours, so that means my tolerance of him bottoms out 30 minutes past its expiration date. But feeling like this is not natural! He’s a very nice guy and after being put through everything else in this class–the learning, the socializing around me, I have very little patience left for him. So because he sits so close and is someone I should be interacting with, he gets the brunt of my mental anger. I’m unsure of how well I can hide it… I’ve gotten pretty mixed reviews about my emotional barrier.

So the following usually goes through my head rapid-fire and you can see for yourselves how ridiculous these thoughts are. He invades my personal space–I’m big on personal space. I mean, he’s naturally a larger guy, but that doesn’t mean he can’t try to contain himself to just one seat area rather than 1.5. Do you really need to keep leaning toward me? Can you not see my ass basically resting on the fucking armrest? Don’t let your arm touch me! I can’t handle it right now. Oh god, it’s touching me (at this point, I’m like an oversensitive toothpick on half my seat). I’m moving my arm away. Agh, I can’t write now. Stop talking to me, I’m trying to pay attention. What are you doing with my iClicker? Wow you really touched me then, you really laid your entire arm on my stomach to reach for the iClicker. Can we not do this right now. Is this usually well received?! That must be your 500th cough today, can we try to pretend we’re civilized right now. Why are you even in class. Do you know what a fucking cough drop is? Oh god, now everyone’s coughing. Why do you cough like that?? Stop trying to hack out your lung. Clearly you’ve coughed thousands of times before, did that help your situation? NO. You’re still coughing! Let’s change things up, can we? Oh, and now you’re yawning. I hate the way you yawn. I hate the way you smell and the way you breathe. Oh, how cute, another smiley on my notes. I’m really quite an anal freak, you know. Stop it. And now you don’t know what she just said. Of course. That’s because YOU WERE DRAWING A FUCKING SMILEY ON MY NOTES IN BLUE HIGHLIGHTER. 

I swear, I know more about him than I do about the subject.

Oh that gets me started on another thing–coughing and sick people in general. How dare you get sick. How dare you bring your sickness into the room and bombard me with sounds of continuous coughing and sneezing. Do I pay to listen to the cries of your pathetic immune systems? No. I pay for overpriced education. 

And now, what have I learned in this torturous 1.5 hours? I’ve learned that I hate people. I’m guessing this is not normal.


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