When my younger brother was born, I became aware of something. I realized that he had this power that let him pee while standing up!
I was upset. Why didn’t I ever think of that?! It would make my life so much easier!
That’s right, I had penis-envy at the age of 7.
So, like any determined person with a big goal, I started practicing.
My first attempts weren’t too promising. Luckily, I decided to try in the shower first.
How did he make it seem so easy?! From that point on I was a man (or hoping I was in some aspects) on a mission. I was inspired in ways that I had never been inspired before.
I took showers about 5 times a day. It was probably the cleanest I’d ever been.
Finally… the hard work paid off… I did it!! I never had to sit down to pee again! I could just do it on the go–while I’m walking, without anyone noticing, even outdoors! This was awesome!!
I soon decided I had outgrown the little leagues of the shower stalls. It was time to take it to the big leagues: the toilet. Make it or break it.
That didn’t stop my jealousy though. Or my brother. He wasn’t very sympathetic. In fact, he seemed to flaunt it! He was a mean, green, peein’ machine! He peed everywhere just from standing in the same spot! It was like spreading rainbows and joy in liquid form!
I have never really forgiven him for having this power.