My New Place of Residence

It’s one of those houses separated into apartments—or in our case, seven apartments. We’re six girls living in the basement with rooms smaller than the jail cells we fondly remember as our freshman dorms, which were 12 x 11. The smell assaults you the minute you walk in. Hamsters. Not like oh, you have a few hamsters? That’s cute. More like Oh my fucking god, you guys are hamster ladies. That’s like cat ladies, but worse. Like we’re breeding hamsters.

The couch they promised us is there, but more of a one-person couch. Or maybe a love couch for two anorexics. It sits in the living room, more a glorified hallway than anything, right next to the bathroom. Of all things, we expected the bathroom to be the worst. But it’s quite nice, sans leaking hole where bugs crawl out of.

Walking through the dimly-lit corridor, still smelling like hamsters but less because your nose is getting used to the smell, you enter my room, bathed in whatever light I can get from a window about half the size of the wall, length-wise and width-wise. Well that’s terrifying, what if someone crawls through your window? I shrug it off. I’m really excited for you to see the bullet hole in the window. Sometimes I’m visited by a fat squirrel.

Other than the window issues, it’s really a nice place. But watch the corners, spiders tend to breed there. Just habitually spray it with some cleaning chemical to keep the population down.

Oh, and the time it takes to get on campus…could be better. I mean, it’s about a 15-20 minute walk. I plan on biking until the 5-foot snowfalls come; actually I’m hoping for a winter more like last year. And my friends, well, they’re all over the place, really. We couldn’t all be living right by each other, could we? We all have separate social lives and everything… No, I didn’t live with close friends either. I always think it’s a bad idea.

Yeah, I also have to cook for myself now and do the shopping. I figure I’ll either lose a lot of weight from forgetting to buy groceries or gain a ton of weight because I’d eat out instead.

Why did I move off campus? You know… I can’t really remember the reason right now… I’ll get back to you on that.


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