Have You Ever Been So Fucking Happy?

Have you ever been so fucking happy that even the Google image search for “happiness” can’t even express how happy you are?

This is the closest picture that I could find that describes me right now:

like this, but more WHOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

It’s like a mix of ecstasy, success, dance, wonder, open-mouthed laughter, delight. Just an hour ago, I basically consumed a huge cup of coffee and downed 2 gooey brownies, so this may be the sugar and caffeine talking but… I feel wonderful.

I know a lot of people don’t care how amazing I’m feeling right now, but I can’t describe it. Take the bottom of the pit that was sophomore year and invert it. That’s how I feel. It’s weird, too, because just yesterday, I told my friend that I felt like I was on the precipice—on the edge—of falling back into the pit. (Bipolar? Hopefully not!)

It’s been happening more and more often—this may also be the stress talking, but I can’t even begin to express (as I am, in this moment right now) how right everything feels. How my English major fits me like a glove. How I love everyone in my life right now. The Grouplove music blasting into my ears.

I’ve come a long way since freshman year, guys.

Since the semester has started, I’ve lost about 10 pounds (probably less after this no-exercise week), made more friends, realized that I like being single and independent, have/had the option to choose otherwise, discovered my love of creative non-fiction, started working one-on-one with an incarcerated youth, and so much more.

But, you don’t have to accomplish anything BIG to feel this way.

Sometimes you feel this way for no reason at all.

Sometimes you look back at those little steps that you’ve been working on and realize that they are actually working. 

These things are so easy to let slide sometimes when you’re in the midst of feeling bad about yourself. You need to constantly remind yourself what has improved in just a few months. How life can be SO good sometimes. That everything’s going to be OK.

As long as you feel like this every so often, you know you’re heading in the right direction.

Moments of extreme happiness between moments that are challenging, but never suffocatingly heavy or depressing.

I’ve realized that you can wrestle with serious, heavy topics, but that doesn’t mean you have to be serious all the time. You can find joy in these pockets of despair. You can be happy that you’re trying your best to fight against them.

No expectations.

Just go for what you think is right. What makes you happy. Keep discovering who you are, how you react in certain circumstances.

Be comfortable with yourself.

The first step is admitting who you are. And then you can continue to improve. Even though you may feel like this often, never settle. Never become complacent. Use the happiness as strength to keep fighting for whatever cause you have. Whatever difficulties you encounter.

Jam out to music every once in a while.

Remember these moments when you’re having a difficult time. Hoard them in a safe full of these moments and pull them out like old photographs to comfort yourself when you’re feeling down.

Take advantage of these moments to accomplish something amazing. 

Most importantly, find some way to keep this feeling going. This is such a pure feeling, a feeling bigger than yourself, one that you can’t contain. So don’t. Spread the joy. Give happiness to others. 

Keep going. Live. For moments like this.

Have you ever felt this way? When? Did something set the feeling off? 

Happy Thursday, everyone :)

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